Dear Peyton Manning,
Can you be in any more commercials? It's as if my television threw up and all that was in its stomach was you and Reggie Bush.
While some claim you would tattoo the MasterCard logo on your forehead if the price was right, I think you are actually using these commercials to subliminally teach us valuable life lessons.
Here are some of the things I have learned from you:
*When a giant cloud of hot steam scalds your face, simply rub some dirt on it to alleviate the pain.
*When in a battle with a rival, fill their bath tub with chili.
*If you don't have rock hard abs by age 23, it's probably not going to happen. (This one stings a little.)
*Your brother, Eli, is the whiner of the family (not actually ever stated, I'm just assuming).
Anyway Peyton, it's obvious you don't do these commercials for the money-- you do it because you are a teacher. You're like a Gandhi in shoulder pads, and your (subliminal) secret is safe with me.